Freezing Your Soul
by MajorDP
Summary: After Katie reaches her breaking point, they rest of Big Time Rush come to her aid,Until a certain someone causes trouble. Warning contains: Self-harm,cussing,Fall Out Boy .
1. The Real Me

**HEY GUYS! New story! Tell me if you like it!**

"**Freezing your soul"**

I can't see why I do this but it's just a pain reliever from all of what life throws at me.

Dealing with all this shit of being one of the most hated people for no reason at my school can be tiring.

See I Katie Knight deal with the worst shit possible that's why I'm sitting in the bathroom while the boys play video games cutting. Finally I admit to myself I cut.

Sitting there in the restroom slashing at my wrist watching the crimson blood run down my wrist and pool on the floor was mastering me until I was reawaken with a heavy pounding at the door.

"Kit-Kat I need to use the restroom" Logan said in a hyper voice.

Oh great I have to clean up I silently thought to myself.

I started cleaning up forgetting to respond listening to the conversations those 16 year old idiots were having.

"Kendall, Katie's not responding" Logan said with an upset voice

"Who's Katie?" I heard my so called older brother say.

That hurt me.

I heard Carlos and James also Logan reply in union 'Your little sister!'

Opening the door Logan turned around with a sad smile.

I ran to my room realizing Kendall doesn't care, great just another thing to add to list of fucked up things in my short horrible life.

How could I be so stupid Kendall most likely hates me?

Hearing Kendall say I really upset her made me want to laugh, he's not the only one that blonde bitch at my school Skylar Edmonson mad my life a living hell every day too, with here constant 'oh Katie nobody will love you your so ugly' 'you're a whore' 'ugly 'everyday it made me just made me want to kill myself.

That's a good idea, I'll end it tomorrow.

That if something magical makes me just want stop, I doubt it thought I'm just a fat loser.

After a few minutes the boys stopped and I was starting to drift into the one only place of happiness for me sleep.

Half way a sleep the creak of my door pulled me out of my pure bliss sleep, realizing it was Logan I pretended to still be a sleep listening to what Logan was saying.

"Katie I know your sleeping but I just have to tell you I found the razor in the bathroom I know you have been cutting, why Katie why? "Logan said tearing up

Then he continued

"Katie I know Kendall would kill me but Katie Rose Knight I love you." He said walking to the door he said it one last time

I Love You

After he left those words rang through my heads like an old telephone.

Great my plans are changing for tomorrow.

**Ok I know that sucked but should I continue?**

**~MajorDP**


	2. My Life goes Dead

**Hey guys! New chapter!**

"**Freezing your soul"**

Waking up remembering the previous night's events was somewhat scary. I mean come one what if your best friend that you know since you were in diapers said he loves you and knows your deepest secret.

I got up and did my regular routine of crying I the shower, cleaning my cut wounds so they don't get infected, and finding the cleanest long sleeved shirt there was.

Realizing I had to walk out of the door and face Logan who knew my secret, was terrifying at the least .What if he looks at me different ,what if he tells everybody , that's all that ran through my mind .

Walking out the door from my bedroom I was bombarded by my every so loving idiotic brother, Kendall.

"Katie I'm so sorry it's just you can be annoying sometimes" Kendall said tilting his head.

"Fuck you Kendall go to hell" I said while flipping him off

The pain inside me was getting embarriable I had to cut.

With that I walked pasted and straight to the bathroom, when I walked in I remembered that Logan had found my cheap one sided razor. Dam! I thought I really need to get rid of this pain.

With that though I took one of my controlling mothers shaving razor and smashed it with my fist causing little shards of the razor to get stuck in my hand causing me to bleed more than I have before.

Who care the more blood lost the better.

After finding a big enough piece of razor to hold I started cutting at my right the left wrist.

1 cut – worthless

2 cut- Fat pig

3 cut – nobody loves you

4 cut – die

5 cut – nobody cares

6 cut – Logan doesn't love you

7 cut – your family doesn't love you

8 cut – dad left because you worthless piece of shit

This is the first time I had cut so much but I liked the wonderful pure bliss stated I was in. Everything was going perfect until I was seeing tiny black dots in my vision casing me to collapse.

"Katie what's taking you so long!" Carlos said jiggling the door knob

I didn't care to respond I was going into pure bliss.

"Katie I'm coming in!" Carlos yelled like a barbarian

I could hear the door being broken down and Carlos screaming.

"KATIE!" I could hear Carlos scream

Drifting in and out of reality I didn't respond I alit heard was a shuffling of feet and Logan running in.

"Oh Katie I should have told" Logan said with a weary voice

I was half way out when the last thing I heard was call 911 she's losing too much blood.

**Ok I know this sucked but R&R! Also tell me what I should make Kendall say.**

**R &R**

**~MajorDP**


	3. Kendall you ASS!

**New chapter! Review and tell me if you guys like the story and if I should continue.**

**R&R!**

Ok look I know it wasn't the smartest idea for me to cut as much as I did , but I did say I was going to end it so I guess I finally learned to stick to my plans.

Being a sixteen year sister of an idiotic pop star sucks is because I get put in the tabloids as much as he does.

Have you ever woken up but never opened your eyes so you can just listen to your surroundings, well I have many times, but today for me was the perfect time to.

"Why would Katie do this to herself?" I heard someone say which I later realized it was Kendall.

"Well, Kendall maybe because you forgot you had a little sister yesterday!" I realized Logan screamed.

"SORRY! Katie can be super annoying and she always hangs with us it's like she doesn't have friends!" The ass screamed

That hurt coming from the person who is supposed to be my big brother, plus he's the reason I have no 'real' friends because everybody just wants to be friends with me so they can get to BTR.

"Kendall, do you ever think that you're the reason Kendall?" James said backing me up, the one time he comes to my school he just has to find out I'm the world's biggest loser.

"Kendall , who are you , you're acting like someone we don't , Katie's a sweet girl I don't mind her hanging out with us she's a lot cooler than you " Carlos said with what I could only assume was anger.

"Carlos is right who you Kendall are? Katie needs are help! She tried to kill herself" James screamed.

All this time while Kendall and my brothers were fighting I felt someone grab my hand I was hoping it was Logan; I was going to stay the way I was until I got so fed up with the fighting idiot (Kendall).

"Ok I understand I'm an idiot ok! When Katie wakes up well fucking ask her so you can get off my back!" Kendall screamed on the verge on most likely punching something.

"Ok Kendall just shut the fuck up you're the problem here!" I said shooting up in my hospital bed.

"Katie what were you thinking!" Kendall said running over to my bed.

"I was thinking I'm tired of living, nobody loves me, and I have no friend's cause of you!" I screamed using the signature knight anger while pointing at Kendall.

"Katie that's not true I love you more than a sister" Logan said kind of scared.

"Logan I -"

**Ok I know its short but I need you should I make Katie hard to get or let her flat out tell him?**

**R&R !**

**ALSO THE PJO STORY I WILL UPDATE ASAP!**

**~MajorDP**


	4. Carlos ,not you too!

**Ok guys tell me if u should continue!**

_Recap:_

"_Katie that's not true I love you more than a sister" Logan said kind of scared._

"_Logan I -"_

"Logan I love you too" I voiced while looking to at my gauss wrapped wrist.

After I said that the whole pale white hospital room was like someone was just killed.

"YOU WHAT!" Kendall screamed at the top of his lungs

"Called it" is all Carlos whispered to James.

"Kendall, I said I love Katie." Logan said bursting with pride

"SHE'S MY LITTLE SISTER DUDE! THAT'S WERID OK YOU HAVE KNOWN HER SINCE SHE WAS IN DIAPERS! " Kendall screamed like when he loses a hockey game.

"Kendall why should you care I mean come mean come one you said I was annoying and had no friends " I simply stated the facts

"KATIE I DIDN'T MEAN THAT I WAS JUST CONFUSSED ON WHY YOU WOULD DO THIS TO YOUR SELF KATIE I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS Kendall kept screaming at me until a nurse came in to tell him he needs to quiet down or he will be asked to leave, but with the Knight anger and stubbornness it would most likely be removed by force or in nice terms 'escorted out'.

"Kendall, I love her I would never do anything to her to hurt her mentally, verbally, or physically, ok Kendall get that through your thick head and if I ever hear you speak to Katie like that I will beat you to a pulp Kendall Francis Knight, I know everybody thinks I'm the small and weak one of BTR but I'm not afraid to beat the living shit out of you" Logan said balling his fists

While Kendall and Logan were bickering I heard James say to Carlos

"Do Logan's never been this mad" James voiced with an observing look

"- fine ok all I want to know from Katie is why" Kendall spoke on the brink of tears

"Kendall I protect the people I love and when Katie is ready to tell us why she will" Logan said while walking over to sit on the edge of my bed.

Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James walked over from there corners to the four chairs surrounding my bed in a U shape.

"Kit-Kat please tells us why" Carlos mumbled with his Giant puppy dog eyes

"Kitty is it about what I saw at school" James said with an understanding look

"What! You knew something and didn't tell me! I could kill you diamond for that" Kendall barked as he almost jumped straight across my bed to choke James.

"Woo don't man Katie told me not to tell" James spoke as he threw his hands up to protect the 'face'

"Katie why didn't you tell us" The boys said in Univision

"Well it kind of hard to walk up to you guys and be 'hey you're the reason my life is a living hell and I have no true friends 'to you " I simply said

"Katie I didn't know it was us" Kendall said still on the brink of tears

"Well idiot I mean you guys are international pop stars and everybody wants to meet you "I said looking at Kendall like he was and complete and usser idiot.

"Well, that one day James picked me up from school and Skylar Edmonson called me a slut in front of James" I told them almost in tears

"But she told me not to tell" James told us with his head low most likely thinking he should have done something

"Katie I was going to confront you this morning but I just want to know why cutting." Logan said looking at me with sympathy.

"Well after it started with Skylar , I was cooking with a kitchen knife and I accidently cut myself and it felt so reliving like all my problems were going away " I said quickly not to seem to pyhscoie

"Katie its ok I understand" Carlos said with his head hung low as if he was hiding something

"Wait, how you know that" Kendall said with one of his bushy eyebrows up in a curious furrow

Everyone's eyes were glued to Carlos as if he was announcing he was president.

"Well - I –i-i-I it's just.. Oh here let me just show you" Carlos said bursting into tears.

While Carlos was crying he proceeded to pull his Blue long sleeved shirt showing about ten long red up and down his wrist.

"Oh Carlitos" Kendall said looking at him with the same look he gave me

"Carlos, have you stopped?" Logan asked

Carlos stayed silent while everyone looked at him except me, because I knew how it felt having the people that care about you the most looking at you with shame.

"I know how Katie feels ok so lay of her" Carlos said trying to put on his best protecting face.

"Fine but Carlos you need to get help like Katie's going to be getting" Kendall said in his best stern father sounding voice.

Through the process of Carlos showing us his scares like mine too, I realized James was Quiet through this whole thing, and then it hit me James was in love with Carlos.

Finally James broke his own silence.

"Litos why" James voiced tearing up

"It was because I'm in love with- "

**OH CLIFF HANGER!**

**OK tell me if I should continue **

**Also I have a twitter so follow me and I'll follow you!**

**HANSENGTO**

**R&R!**

**~MajorDP**


	5. Everthing always happens to us

**Hey guys! How's the story so far? I hope you guys like it.**

**Also follow me at**

**Twitter: HANSENGTO**

**Kik: thnksfrthmmrs101 (kik me whenever)**

**Instagram: thnksfrthmmrs101**

_Recap:_

_Finally James broke his own silence._

"_Litos why" James voiced tearing up_

"_It was because I'm in love with-" _

**Katie's POV**

"You James" Carlos said with a tear going down his Latino cheeks.

Everyone was silent except Kendall and I, you see we have fantastic gay dar and plus Carlos told us about James but not about the cutting.

"Called it!" Kendall and I said in union

Logan and James looked at us with strange looks but where smiling because we were laughing for the first time in a while.

"Um Carlos, can we talk outside "James said with a slight smile

As they walked out of the pale white hospital they closed the door so they could talked without us hearing.

"Katie, I have to step out to call mom and tell her" Kendall voiced with his best parenting look

"NOO! Can't we keep this a little secret between us" I said with big pleading puppy dog eyes.

"Katie, I have to tell her because they won't let you out until she signs" Kendall said looking at me with sympathy.

As Kendall, walked out Logan jumped up and ran to me.

"Thank god he left no we can do this" Logan said as bending down to kiss me

As his to soft velvet lips touched mine electric went through our bodies, as he leaned more on the bed his tongue and mine battled for dominance doing and erotic dance while our hands tried our best to move up and down our hormone ridden bodies.

As Logans hands touched me tiny electrifying sparks went through my body, as every rub and every nip with his hands and lips made me want him more as we came closer to wanting each other more physically but sadly we knew we couldn't because people were watching and anyone one of my brothers could be walk into the room at any given second.

"MY EYE'S!" I heard a voice scream.

As our heads whipped around we saw a figure cover his eyes. It was Kendall.

"OK NEW RULE NO TONSIL HOCKEY AROUND ME!" Kendall screamed as if he was dying.

"Ok" Logan and I said in union with our faces burning fire truck red in embarrassment.

All I heard was Kendall mumble something as grabbed his phone and out of his jacket and ran most likely not wanting to see anymore.

"Katie I love you" Logan said with what felt like all the passion in the world.

"Logan I love you too" I said with a smile.

Thinking something before it happens can be a bad thing because it can jinx you, because I was thinking everything was all right when I realized I was feeling light headed and my vision was fading.

All I could hear was Logan screaming and then a door being burst open.

"What wrong?" I could hear James and Carlos say.

Another door burst.

"What wrong?" Kendall said.

"KATIE! "Logan screeched!

And then everything went black.

**Normal POV (Comment if you guys want more of their POV)**

Watching doctors running in the small room and telling we have to leave is scary because you ant support your loved one. All the boys though.

"What just happened?" Kendall asked

"I don't know" voiced James, Logan, and Carlos on the brink of tears

"Guys isn't it weird that Katie was doing good and then all of the sudden she crashed" James said while tears.

"True the only person that came in was that lady, she gave Katie a transfusion" Logan stated using his brain.

"I don't know something is fishy lets go talk to the nurse's "James said walking away.

The rest of BTR followed behind as the boys turned the corner to talk to the nurses when the heard someone speaks.

"You did well they won't know what happen." The mysterious voice said.

"Good now we'll be number one." a female voice spoke.

As we turned the corner we say that one person.

"YOU!" They all spoke in union.

**Who is it? Review and tell me who you want it to be. Also it can be you OC! **

**Sorry it's short!**

**R&R**

**First 2 people to review get a shout out! **

**~MajorDP**


	6. Save me! Kendall

**HEY GUYS! OK IM WRITING A SEQUAL TO THE OTHER BTR STORY I HAVE! **

**REVIEW IF I SHOULD CONTUINIE BECAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW.**

**Shout outs to:** Teshia14, RaidenTakashixx

Disclaimer: I don't Own Big time Rush , Fall Out Boy , Clandestine Industries , Skype .

_RECAP:_

_As we turned the corner we say that one person._

"_YOU!" They all spoke in union._

Kendall's POV

I can't believe someone would want to hurt my Katie.

That idiot always trying to destroy us I mean we have fame and Money and Family and they can't just be happy for us.

If any of us boys knew this was going to happen we would have never signed with Gustavo , because Hawk and Boyz in the Attic are so stupid.

"HAWK!"James screamed.

"Well hello boys." The gross loser said

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO KATIE!" I screamed with fury.

"Oh I didn't do anything that would seriously hurt her just leave her a little shaken." Hawk said while taking a seat in the hospital waiting room.

"We want our Katie back so just tell us what you want!" James voiced loudly while balling his fists.

"Well Jamez it's not what I want from you it's what I want from Him" Hawk announced pointing his boney finger towards me.

"Simply Kendall, come along with me and we'll talk that's all I want for now." Hawk spoke while rising to fix his suit.

I looked at my brothers that I have known since kindergarten to see what there opinion on this whole situation was. Surprisingly they nodded for me to go without even asking or demanded to come with me, that's weird.

"Fine" I answered becoming pissed.

"I'm going to set up at our ... I mean my office come in 20 minutes and come alone." Hawk exclaimed while turning to leave.

After he left us four boys just stood there in complete and usser shock.

"Ken-" Carlos began

"Fuck Off!" I yelled while walking off.

I know what you guys are thinking 'don't abandon your friends 'but they didn't even offer to come along for Katie's sake!

As I walked to the BTR mobile I though what could that dumbass Hawk want from me, but whatever it is I promise I will do it as long as I can get Katie back because I almost lost her once and twice, but I am NOT going to lose my precious baby sister a third time I just won't stand for it.

Logans POV

"What the Hell was that for" Carlos stated throwing his hands up on this black hockey helmet.

"YA what did we do wrong?" James stated becoming furious.

"Well maybe is because of Katie…. Or us" I spoke trying to find the reason my girlfriends anger prone brother was upset.

"What did we do?" Carlos practically screamed.

"Oh My God" James said finally realizing what we did wrong.

"We didn't offer to go with him" James said in shock.

"So he thinks were working with Hawk!" I voiced in a fast pace.

"Oh no" we all said in union as we ran out the door.

**(A/N: They forgot about Katie!)**

Kendall's POV

As I walked into Hawk records I was greeted by Hawks blonde British assistant.** (A/N: I don't know her name review if you know it)**

"Come along, Hawk wants to talk" She said simply

"So I heard" I replied sarcastically, as I walked into the silver colored office.

Hawk was sitting in his chair as she twirled around.

"Hello, Kendall glad you came alone" Hawk said with a glint of evil in his eye.

"Ya enough with interdictions and get to the chase." I said already becoming pissed off.

"That's what I like about you Kendall always cutting to the chase never wasting time." Hawk voiced actually smiling.

"Thanks I guess" I replied while sitting down in front of his desk.

"Well Kendall how are you with the keyboard or piano?" Hawk asked.

"Um that's my only instrument I can play other than the guitar." I stated

"Well ok Kendall I have a few things to play for you, and I promise this is the truth." Hawk stated as he pulled out a digital recorder. **(A/N: it's not)**

As Hawk turned the recorder I heard familiar voices.

"_Carlos do you have the antidote" I heard the voice that sounded like Logan._

"_Yes Logan, now we can put your 'girlfriend' in a coma." The voice that sounded like Carlos said._

"_Then Kendall will leave so I can become the fire." I head James said._

"_Then we can make more money and we can become more famous." Carlos voiced in an evil sound._

"_Come on guys let's go let Logan do it." James spoke._

"That's tape one there's two more." Hawk said, I was shocked but let him continue.

"_Gustavo, you need to get rid of one of those four." I heard Griffin say._

"_Fine I will but whom?" I heard what sounded like Gustavo say._

"_That blonde one" Griffin said._

Oh god im the blonde one I thought. Then he played the next tape.

"_Kelly, Griffin said I have to get rid of one." Gustavo said._

"_Well just fire him already, Gustavo" Kelly said harshly._

"_But I feel bad he's been here forever." Gustavo said _

"_I know G, it's just the longer you wait the harder it's going to be" Kelly spoke._

"_Fine, I'll fire im on the Seventh." Gustavo voiced._

The tape ended, and after a minute I realized it was the sixth.

"See Kendall, I never would do this to you" Hawk said sitting down.

"They said that." I stuttered out in shock.

"Yes that's why im going to offer you a deal." Hawk said with a grin.

"Will I get Katie back "I spoke firstly.

"Yes of course, and you will be famous." Hawk voiced.

"Ok what's the deal?" I asked

"I have a band that has played two show already and they need a keyboardist, I have already talked to them and they said you would be fantastic, all you would have to do is say yes and dress a little more punk." Hawk spoke in one big breath.

"Can I meet them?" I asked curiously.

Hawk didn't even answer; he just walked out the door for about five minutes and returned with five men who look extremely awesome.

"Boys this is Kendall Knight he is going to be your new keyboardist, now introduce yourself." Hawk said facing the group of four.

"Hey im Patrick Stump, lead vocals and rhythm." The blonde said as we shook hands.

"Hey dude, im Pete Wentz, bass and vocals" the medium height dude with a clandestine shirt said.

"You're the creator of Clandestine, I love you shirts I wear them all the time!" I exclaimed as I took of my showing my Clandestine bat shirt.

"Hey you have great taste; I have a feeling while get along great." Pete voiced.

"Im Andy Hurley, drummer and tattoo person extodinare" The dude with the glasses and many tattoos expressed.

"Yep and im Joe Trohman, lead guitarist and vocals." The very curly haired man said.

"Well Kendall do you want to take the offer?" Hawk expressed.

"Yes, I will" I said after thinking about the betrayal.

"Good now do you have any question?" Hawk asked as everyone in his office sat down.

"Yes, since my mom moved back to Minnesota , and Katie had a recorded deal with Gustavo, can Katie open for us and do I have to use Knight as my last name or can I use my dad's last name." I asked in one jumbled up sentence.

"Kendall of course Katie can open for you guys, and well talk about using knight as your last name." Hawk voiced as I turned around to ask my new band about my sister.

"I know im new to the band but can my little sister open for us?" I asked the other half of Fall Out Boy.

"Ya Hawk already showed us a video of her singing and we would be honored to have her open for us." Patrick said while everyone else nodded along.

"ok well lets announce this to Gustavo via Skype" Hawk said as everyone gathered around Hawks chair.

_*Skype calling tone*_

"_Hawk I can't talk right no there's a band emergency" Gustavo said in his office with everyone._

"_Well Gustavo your band is all there so you guys can work it out." Hawk said looking towards us._

"_What no Kendall's not here so just bud out Hawk" Gustavo said turning angry._

"_Oh well my band is here" Hawk voiced as he turned the camera showing all of us _

"_KENDALL!" Everyone at Rocque Records said in union._

"_Hi" is all I could spit out._

"_What are you doing there Kendall?" Once again they said in union._

"_Wow already forgot, good thing I don't care anymore" I said turning angry._

"_What?" Logan, Carlos, James spoke in union._

"_Im part of Fall out Boy now, I can't believe you guys would do that to Katie." I said tearing up as Pete and Patrick spoke up._

"_Don't talk to him again he's a good kid and that was evil what you did." Patrick stated._

At this point Gustavo and the rest of the people in were shocked.

"_Kendall I will send people to send to gather Katie's and yours belongings." Hawk said._

I nodded

"_See Gustavo I always win." Hawk said as he discontinued._

As I walked out with the paper Hawk gave me to cure Katie, I thought did I make the right choice.

**Ok I know there wasn't a lot of LATIE but in the upcoming chapters LATIE and the rest of BTR have to SAVE Kendall AND un brainwashed.**

**P.s tell me if in the end you guys want Fall out boy to come to Rock Records.**

**Can I have at least 3 reviews before I post the next chapter? **

**R&R!**

**~ MajorDP.**


	7. We need a plan

**Hey guys! Im back so well let me explain something's. This next chapter is going to contain a little bit of LATIE but I promise you this is all part of an idea I have! **

**Also review and tell me if you have direct TV because I have them and now Viacom cut off Big Time Rush and I was extremely MAD!**

**Disclaimer: I'm 15 I don't own Big Time Rush, fall out Boy, Clandestine Industries, or anything else that would seem impossible for a freaking 15 year old girl to own.**

_Recap:_

"_Kendall I will send people to send to gather Katie's and yours belongings." Hawk said._

_I nodded _

"_See Gustavo I always win." Hawk said as he discontinued._

_As I walked out with the paper Hawk gave me to cure Katie, I thought did I make the right choice._

Kendall's POV

After the Skype call with Gustavo, Hawk gave me the medicine that I have to give Katie in order for her to come out of here coma.

After a few minutes I decided I should head to the Hospital to make sure Katie's ok, and before those back stabbing people go harasses my little sister, I was going to go alone when my new band mates agreed to come for emotional support, to meet my sister in person, and to help me get rid of those pests if they come within me and my baby sister.

While in the car with the band they told me about the upcoming show tomorrow and what the set list is which surprisingly was easier than BTR's old music. Apparently we guys are going to do 12 songs instead of a regular six.

As we pulled up to the Hospital us guys pilled out of the car and carefully walked into the hospital only to be stopped by a few grief stricken fans.

"OMG you Fall Out Boy, can I have an autograph" A teenage boy asked

"Same here" an obvious teenage spoke.

"Ya of course" Pete said as he signed two sheets of paper and passed it around.

Once it stopped at me I just passed it to the two teenagers.

"Um aren't you part of Fall Out Boy too, can we have your autograph too?" The teenage girl asked.

"Dude your part of FOB now." Joe Said as he took the paper and passed it to me.

Finally feeling wanted in a band I took the paper and signed it with a smile as I passed it to the two teenagers, then to proceeding to walk to Katie's room, only to see the people I don't want to see ever again.

"Kendall!" I heard a familiar voice say.

"What wrong dude!"Another similar voice said.

"Please tell me what you said on that Skype call was not real!" Smaller voice said

I continued to ignore them as I ran into Katie's room with the annotate, with the rest of the band as the pests tried to come into the room to until Pete and Andy punched them in the face.

I walked over to Katie's bed with the syringe and carefully inserted it into arm.

After a few minutes I saw Katie's eye's flutter open.

Katie's POV

Suddenly while I was sleeping, my eyes felt like they could open upon commanded now.

As my eyes opened I saw my brother talking to four guys who looked somewhat punk.

"Ya Kendall I think you should use your dad's last name, Schmidt" the man who had what I think looks like a Jack Skellington tattoo on his arm.

"Ya I'll change it when we talk to talk again ok."Kendall said as he sat down next to the curly read headed guy with what looked like a million tattoos

Wait what! Why is Kendall using our dad's last name, he hates his living guts, and why is Kendall Talking to Hawk!

After sitting there thinking with a blank look on my face I was interrupted by one of the dudes getting pushed out of the hospital chair.

"- we'll also do for the last five songs , _What_ _a catch Donnie ,Head slide into Cooperstown on a bad bet,20 dollar nosebleed, American suitehearts,Thnks fr th mmrs._ The Blonde said.

"Um Kendall I think Katie is awake" The dude with the Jack Skellington tattoo spoke.

How does he know me?

"Katie! You're awake!" Kendall screeched as he hugged me.

"Ya I am Kendall, now who are they?" I voiced as I pointed towards the punks.

"Katie that's the band" Kendall said with an eye roll.

"Um, where's the real band" I spoke wanting to see my Logie-bear.

"Katie, Logan poisoned you" Kendall spoke with sympathy laced in his voice.

"What Logan would never do that?" I screamed becoming upset.

"Um Katie. Im Patrick and Hawk said so." The blonde named Patrick said.

After hearing the man named Patrick say Hawk I had an idea of what was happening so I decided to play along.

"Oh well if hawk says so then it has to be true" I spoke with sarcasm trying to see If someone with pick up on it.

"Yes it is, Katie I have to go pack our bags, so we going to leave and I'll be back In a few" Kendall announced as he grabbed his jacket to leave.

"Ok, Kendall" I said as I grabbed my cellphone off the table.

As Kendall and his 'real band' left I called Logan to come with the guys, which only took a few minutes for them to come.

"Katie you're up!" Logan said with a grin as he gently kissed me on the lips.

"Ya, now what's wrong with Kendall!" I voiced jumping to the chase.

"We don't know all he said was he quit the band for Fall Out Boy" James said with and upset look.

"And Hawk has something to do with it!" Carlos screamed.

"You guys we need a plan and fast!" I yelled

"Can it involve bandannas" James spoke.

"NO JAMES!" we all said in union.

"Fine!" James screamed.

As Logan was about to start talking the door opened and HE was there.

**Ok guys this is a short filler chapter as I already explained, but I hoped you liked it! **

**Im asking for at least 5 reviews for the next chapter please.**

**R&R!**

**`MajorDP **


	8. I've always been smart

**Hey ok you no the drill. **

**Sorry for the late update I was traveling.**

**Disclaimers don't own anything that seems impossible for a 15 year old girl.**

**Also I am going to give the first 2 people who review and Shout out!**

_Recap:_

_As Logan was about to start talking the door opened and HE was there._

**Katie's POV**

"HAWK!" everyone in the room screamed in union.

"Well hello" Hawk replied with a smirk across his face.

"What have you done with my brother" I asked angry.

"Oh little Katie, I did nothing I simply made conversations" Hawk said as he sat down.

"He quit the band!" James screamed as he jumped up to attack Hawk but was stopped by Carlos and Logan.

All Hawk did was smile and nodded, that just made me want beat the living shit out of that statistic bastard.**(a/n: Lots of cussing.)**

"Who are Fall out Boy?**" **asked Carlos

"fall out Boy is Kendall's new band that he's performing with today in about one hour" Hawk voiced while looking at his watch.

Right when I was about to speak a nice and very cute male nurse walked in telling me I was aloud to leave ,but I had to go to therapy every Wednesday.

"Well we have to go get Kendal!" James screamed as he pulled me out of the hard hospital bed lucky I was fully clothed..

"I wouldn't do that" Is all that bastard Hawk said.

"Fuck You" Is all Logan voiced, and trust me when Logan swears he's MAD!

As we dashed out the hospital, Logan quickly told the nurse that Mama would come to fill out the extra paper work.

Once we pilled in the car Carlos turned the radio on to calm us down somewhat.

_In local news,_

_Ryan: Fall out Boy and there NEW member are going to play in LA tonight!_

_Tickets are sold out but LUCKLY we have the whole band here to give away four front row seat tickets!_

_Andy: ya Ryan we do._

_Patrick: Were going to do a little contest for the tickets to make it fair._

_Pete: Patrick, when did you become fair?_

_Patrick: Very funny Pete._

_Joe: We since the two love birds are fighting I guess I'll through in my extra four backstage passes so you lucky fans can meet us!_

_Kendall: Yep I know im new and all, but you guys can I make up the question?_

_Pete: Dude ya!_

_*a little slam and sounds of hitting*_

_Kendall: Ok guys the question is . What is the name of the Roman goddess Demeter?_

_Ryan: Ok there you guys have it, what is the name of the Roman goddess Demeter?_

_Call 310-256-4498 to answer. Were going to take a little break but im going to leave you guys with Calm before the Storm on there new album ' Take this to your grave'._

_I sat outside my front window, this story's going somewhere_

_He's well hung and I am hanging up_

_There's a song on the radio that says_

_"Let's get this party started, let's get this party started"_

"Katie call in so you can get us the tickets!" James screamed

"Come one Katie we know you love Mythology" voiced Carlos

"Baby we want your brother back , please" Logan pleaded

"Well Kendall's and idiot its so easy its Ceres" I stated as tried to find my phone.

_What you do on your own time's just fine?_

_My imaginations much worse, I just never wanna know_

_What meant the world had folded_

_Like legs and fingers holding onto what escapes me_

_What he has, a better kiss that never lasts_

_You said between your smiles and regrets_

_Don't say it's over_

_Dead and gone, dead and gone_

I couldn't find my phone after looking everywhere in the car.

_Calm before the storm_

_Set it off and the sun burnt out tonight_

_Reception less than warm_

_Set it off and the sun burnt out to_

_This is me standing in the arch of the door_

_Hating that look that's on your face_

_That says there's another fool like me_

_There's one born every minute_

_There's one born every minute_

"Carlos can I borrow your phone, I cant find mine" I asked nicely.

"Uh I kinda left mine in the back of the car" Carlos said with a innocent smile.

I turned around and un-did my seat belt , not listening to Logan's pleas for me to put it back on.

_What you do on your own time's just fine?_

_My imaginations much worse, I just never wanna know_

_What meant the world imploded, inflated then demoted_

_All my oxygen to product gas and suffocated my last chance_

_You said between your smiles and regrets_

_Don't say it's over_

_Dead and gone, dead and gone_

_Calm before the storm_

_Set it off and the sun burnt out tonight_

_Reception less than warm_

_Set it off and the sun burnt out to_

"Uh, Carlos there's only a box of Corndogs back here." I stated

"Oooo CORNDOGS!" Carlos screamed as he attacked the box.

I rolled my eyes as I asked James.

"Um Kit-Kat try under the seat I think that's were I dropped it" James voiced as I bent down to look.

_Calm before the storm_

_Set it off, set it off_

_Calm before the storm, set it off_

_And the sun burnt out tonight_

_Reception less than warm set it off_

_And the sun burnt out tonight_

_The sun burnt out tonight_

_The sun burnt out tonight_

I was angry because I couldn't find a working phone, I was about to ask Logan but I remember he left it in his Jacket next to mine in the hospital.

Hoping it was to late i asked if the car has Blue tooth, right about when I was trying to remember the number to call the song ended and the radio dude spoke up.

_Ryan: Ok we have 1 call 40 calls waiting so I guess I will take caller number one._

_*few beeps*_

_Ryan: Hello your on with fall out boy , what's your answer?_

_Caller number 1: um Diana?_

_Ryan: Kendall? _

_Kendall: Sorry that's the Roman name for Artemis._

_Ryan: Looks like the caller hung up, And so did about 38 people._

_Pete: Guess they didn't have the brain cells to know the right answer._

As the took caller number two I quickly type the number in and called.

_Kendall: Sorry Vulcan is the Roman name for Hephaestus._

_Ryan: Looks like we have.. Wait! We have another caller; hello you're on with Fall Out Boy, what's your answer?_

_Katie: Wow some of those answers are Dumb._

_Patrick: if those answer so dumb then what's the right one._

_Katie: Its simple the correct answer is Ceres._

_Ryan: Kendall?_

_Kendall: That's correct._

_Ryan: well folks there's are winner. Caller number three just call 512-608-7622 to claim your tickets._

_Katie: Ok thanks._

I hung up fast before Kendall could realize it was me.

"Well what now?" Logan said.

"We go to the concert now" Carlos said quickly.

"Let's hope this goes easy." I stated as we kept driving down sunset blvd.

**Ok this is mainly a filler chapter, but I hope you guys liked it.**

**I need two girl OC's for Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz sisters in the story.**

**Here's the form.**

**Name:**

**Age:**

**Characteristics:**

**Looks:**

**Fav outfit:**

**Who's sister?**

**R&R**

**~MajorDP**


	9. Sugar,were going down

**Hey guys! Ok with the OC'S I need sisters for everyone! Sorry I didn't make that clear, but they have to have the same name as them such as Wentz, Stump, Hurley, and Trohman.**

**Well that's really it.**

**Disclaimer: im 15 I don't own any of this!**

_Recap:_

_I hung up fast before Kendall could realize it was me._

"_Well what now?" Logan said._

"_We go to the concert now" Carlos said quickly._

"_Let's hope this goes easy." I stated as we kept driving down sunset blvd._

**Katie's POV**

Trying to save my brother really kept me from thinking about killing myself or at least trying to, guess that's a good thing.

"Katie were almost here" Logan said with a soft tone.

"Thanks for telling me, baby" I responded as I returned to looking out the car window.

As I returned to thinking, a sad thought came across my mind.

What if Kendall stays with Fall Out Boy and never returned back to Big Time Rush, I mean Fall Out Boy is pretty good; I heard them perform a few songs back when they came to Minneapolis to perform.

"Katie, are you ok, you have been pretty quite?" James asked as he looked at me with concerned face.

"Jamie, I'm fine, I'm just thinking maybe this wouldn't have happened if you guys found out I cut." I replied while I looked down at my black and red Chuck Taylor converses.

"Katie, look if we never found out you cut, you would most likely be dead by now, and I would have most likely never had mustered up the courage to ask you out" Logan spoke as he gave me a meaningful loving look.

"Plus, Hawk would have still tried to do this to us, Kit-Kat" Jamie voiced as he rummaged through the glove box.

"Also, I would have never told you guys I cut too and confessed my love for James, so basically there right K-T!" Carlos yelled with a childish grin.

"Thanks guys, it's just I want Kendall to stay with us" I stated as I continued to look at the passing buildings in the population rich area of LA.

"We'll be there in five minutes, what did they say about the tickets and backstage passes?" Logan asked as we pulled up to a mandatory stoplight.

"All we have to do is give them our names at the ticket booth" I stated as loosened my already tight seatbelt.

All Logan did was shake his head, as we began to increase speed out of the light.

After a few minutes we pulled into a huge parking garage a few meters away from the ticket booth.

Once we got there the blonde big boobed lady, flirted with Logan until I '_nicely_' asked for our free tickets.

"Katie, you didn't have to be rude to the ticket lady" Logan whispered in my ear as we went through VIP security.

"Logan, the bitch was flirting with you" I stated as I angrily took off my 'The Academy is' 'My Chemical Romance' ' Green Day' and various other thick and thin punk band bracelets off.

Logan realizing he didn't want to fight responded with

"Honey, I'm sorry I didn't realized, but next time I will flaunt you to others, ok"

That caused me to blush even more, which did not the current events any less awkward as the Buff security guard frisked me.

Once all four of us made it through, we walked through the area to our special reserved seats.

Gods I hope Kendall doesn't kill me.

**Kendall's POV**

Everyone was getting ready for the show, Patrick was singing show tunes, Joe was trying to annoy Patrick, Andy was drumming his favorite song on his practice board, and Pete was pulling pranks on almost everyone, and I was basically punching 'air objects'.(wow one long stringed out sentence)

So basically pre-show rituals.

I was kind of curious on who this mystery chick was, most likely a Mythology nerd like Katie and I.

As I continued to think, my thoughts were interrupted by a baby powder covered Dirty. (Pete got to him)

"Dude I was messing around on stage to warm up the crowed, and I saw your sister with a bunch of dudes." Dirty stated as he hopelessly tried to shake all the power out of his Messy, stinky, un- washed hair.

"Tell security to bring Katie backstage and to kick those 'guys' out of the concert" I said in a furious state.

"Ok, boss dude" Dirty replied as he ran off.

Once Dirty was out of sight I turned around to tell the guys.

"Hey is it ok if Katie hangs out back her while we perform?" I asked curiously.

"Totally, Hey maybe she can open for us?" Joe replied/asked back.

"I though Dirty was opening for us?" I asked slightly confused.

"Nah, he only teases us in front on the audience" Patrick said as turned off his Gray laptop.

"ok, I'll tell Katie when she gets here" I replied as I returned to my pre-show ritual.

Katie's POV

A few minutes after The Guys and I sat down, two large men walked up to us.

"Katie Knight?" the bald buff man asked.

"Yes, why are you asking?" I fired back.

"We need to get you mic upped, so you can open for the Boys." the shorter dude replied.

"Um, ok" I responded.

"Oh and the band doesn't want you here, so come with us." he added on.

"what, why " James asked as he jumped to his feet.

"Bands orders" he replied as he grasped there arms.

"Katie, well be in the car, just convince Kendall to talk to us please, baby" Logan bellowed as the buff men hauled off my two other brothers and my boyfriend.

I shook my head, as I turned to see my ever so lovely brother backstage.

I was walking, when I realized I had no earthly idea where the hell I was going.

"Excuse me; were Fall Out Boy's dressing room?" I politely asked.

All they did is laugh until a short curly haired dude answered.

"Look, we have been in the business, so long we know no to do that" he replied with his back to me.

"Well, my brother is Kendall Knight." I replied with a smirk

"Look, have no Kendall Knight, we have a Kendall Schmidt" the dude answered.

After hearing that last name Schmidt, I freaked out slightly in my brain. Why would Kendall use our abusive father's last name?

"Look, my brother is Kendall he has piercing green eyes, tall, blonde hair, and some dude just told me to get mic upped because im opening for them" I responded.

After I said that the dude fell and jumped back up.

"Oh hi Katie, um don't tell the band about this please!" he begged as he showed me to the dressing room.

"Katie!" the curly haired tattoo covered um….Andy screamed and hugged me.

"Hi, Andy." I said slightly creped out

"Kendall, your sister is here!" Andy screamed

"KATIE!" Kendall screamed as he gave me a huge hug.

"Hey big brother." I said hiding my anger.

"Are you happy your opening for us?" Kendall question as he ran around punching 'things'.

"Ya, I am, but what am I going to sing?" I asked with masking the pure anger with my brother.

"Well, You could sing '_Sugar, were going down'._" Kendall stated as he started to get ready.

"That's a good idea there, Big Brother." I replied

Before Kendall could reply, the same buff man came in with an Asian dude and told me to get 'Mic-ed Up' what ever that mean.

As I was all ready I was escorted on to the stage, behind a big black curtain and told 'Sing when they open'.

As the curtains opened, I looked out into the large crowd with fright until I saw a mysterious figure with a very cheesy fake mustache.

It was Carlos, with Logan and James in very hideous costumes.

Realizing I have nothing what so ever to be scared of I started singing.

_Am I more than you bargained for yet_

_I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear_

_Cause that's just who I am this week_

_Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum_

_I'm just a notch in your bedpost_

_But you're just a line in a song_

_(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)_

I really started to enjoy singing on the big stage, with some random back up players backing me up.

_Drop a heart, break a name_

_We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team_

_We're going down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_We're going down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_Is this more than you bargained for yet_

_Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet_

_Wishing to be the friction in your jeans_

_Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?_

_I'm just a notch in your bedpost_

_But you're just a line in a song_

_(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)_

_Drop a heart, break a name_

_We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team_

_We're going down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_We're going down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_Down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_We're going down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_We're going down, down (down, down)_

_Down, down (down, down)_

_We're going down, down (down, down)_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

_We're going down, down in an earlier round_

_And Sugar, we're going down swinging_

_I'll be your number one with a bullet_

_A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it_

As I belted the last line of the song, I saw out of the corner of my eye Kendall really happy clapping with the rest of his band, it wasn't weird at all until Joe... Ya Joe winked at me?

"Thank you, guys for listening to me, but now let's hear it for the real reason everyone's here to night FALL OUT BOY!" I screamed into the mic causing the giant crowd to roar along.

I started to walk of the stage, when Joe stopped me and said

"Hey, K good job on the song" as he gave me a peck on the cheek.

Being slightly freaked out I started to walk faster until I ran into Kendall.

"Whoa, Katie be careful ok! You did a good job too!" Kendall yelled as he ran onto stage.

As I made my way back to F.O.B's dressing room, I thought I hope Logan doesn't get mad, because I love him to much.

**Hawk's POV**

My plan is working. Kendall is on my side, now I just have to get his sister on my side!

That's IT!

I can make her fall in love with JOE! That way she will want nothing to do with the other broken half of BTR!

Oh Hawk, you're such a handsome genius!

**OH NO! KATIE! Ok this is the point of the story that I want YOUR help with! **

**Please answer the following Questions for help!**

**Should I make a slightly moment of Katie x Joe, but it will still be Logan X Katie, just like Joe kissing her and her telling him she loves Logan!?**

**2. Should I make Hawks plan work for a day or two, then fail?**

**I need more OC sisters as I previously stated on top! ^**

**Shout outs! gothluv22- Love the OC and your profile picture wicked!**

**Teshia14- I love your description! And I love your stories especially 'the change' and 'the big wedding'!**

** - loves the user name!**

**Ok guy's im asking for 6 reviews please!**

**R&R!**

**~MajorDP**


	10. You pushed it to far

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while it's just, I haven't been getting a lot of reviews lately, also my grandmother died so I had to travel to Minnesota for the funeral so it's been tough. **

**Well anyways on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I'm 15 I don't own anything! Just my band Discount for Chaos!**

_Recap:_

_**Hawk's POV**_

_My plan is working. Kendall is on my side, now I just have to get his sister on my side!_

_That's IT!_

_I can make her fall in love with JOE! That way she will want nothing to do with the other broken half of BTR!_

_Oh Hawk, you're such a handsome genius!_

**Logan's POV**

The boys and I were wearing stupid costumes, in mid row at the concert to watch Katie perform.

After we watched Katie finish "_Sugar, were going down_" that dude named Joe I think, KISSED my Katie! (A/N: it was a peck on the cheek, but Logan's just freaking out)

After standing in shock, I watched for a few minutes as Kendall's new "band" _Fall Out Boy _took the stage with there opener _'The Carpal Tunnel of Love'_ that I've heard on the radio a few times.

"Logie, um did you see that?" Carlos asked trying to be nice, but failing.

"Yes, I fucking saw that!" I snapped back as rudely as I stormed off into the crowd leaving the new couple behind.

I was becoming even more furious by the second with Katie And that Joe person, mainly because I couldn't find them.

After storming around whilst cursing, I finally realized people were giving me dirty looks so I stopped and decide to do the safe and rational thing and call Gustavo

"Um- yes dog?"

"Gustavo, it's Logan, I need you to get me backstage at the Fall out Boy concert."

"Sure, but why?"

"Im going to talk to Kendall and Katie"

"YES ok good!"

And with that Gustavo hung up, so I began to walk towards the backstage area when I was stopped by the buff dude from before.

"I thought I kicked you out." The buff man sneered.

"Yes, but Gustavo Rocque says I can go backstage." I replied

"Like I would let one of Hawks enemies back stage!" the man yelled as he pushed me.

I was about to punch him, when Hawk walked up.

"Well, Hello little Logan" The evil silver obsessed asshole said.

"Im NOT little, Hawk" I replied with anger.

"Well, I don't care Logan, My plan is working so I don't need you" He replied in a sentence that was not put together well.

"I knew you were working against us, Hawk" I screamed as I went to attack him, but was stopped by that buff dude against.

"Was it that obvious, well I don't care, I already have Kendall and in a few minutes im going to have Katie" he said as he pulled out a letter.

**(A/N: ok I SWEAR TO GOD and promise! This is still a LATIE story ok this is all part of the PLOT! I promise! And if any of you don't like the event in this chapter just tell me ok!)**

"How, Katie would never listen to you!" I pointed out to the idiot.

"Oh, but with this letter from you will." He said as he whispered something to the guard.

"What! You can't do that!" I screamed.

Hawk didn't reply he simply just walked away, causing me to jump over the gate to follow him when a few LAPD officers followed me and escorted me out.

All I could think of was right now #ACAB is true and that I hope im not too late.

**Katie's POV**

I was sitting in the dressing room pacing because of what happened on the stage.

I hope Logan didn't see because I love him so much, I could never lose him because I would die.

"Katie, can I speak to you for a moment" a thick voice said.

"Ya, sure" I replied blindly.

"Well, Logan left this note with guard at the front saying to give it to you:" I realized Hawk said.

"Why should I trust you Hawk" I replied with disgust.

"Katie, I only wants your brother, not you" he said.

"Are you sure?" I asked dumbly.

"Katie, if im lying you can tell everyone ok." He replied.

"Ok" I said hesitantly.

He gave me the letter and started walking out the door and said.

"The concerts almost over" and then he left.

I had a knot in my stomach as I opened the letter, but quickly dismissed it as I started to read.

_Katie_

_Well I don't know how to tell you this, but im just going to come out and say it._

_I don't love you._

_I only said I did is because I didn't want my best friend sister to commit suicide, but now that Kendall and us are not friends anymore I don't care, you can kill yourself . Were over._

_Logan._

I sat there crying, I knew all of this was too good to be true.

I finally had enough, I jumped up and went into the bathroom and grabbed Pete's disposable razor and smashed it.

All I could think of as I dragged the blade across my pale wrist was the lyrics of a song I heard on .

_**If home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked**_

_I can't remember, I can't remember_

_And I want it so bad, I'd shoot the sunshine into my veins_

_I can't remember the good old days_

_And it's kind of funny_

_**The way we're wearing anchors on our shirts**_

_**When being anchored aboard just feels like a curse**_

Still crying I thought about the days at 2J when Logan helped me with my math homework, and how all of it was a lie.

_My mind is a safe and if I keep it then we all get rich_

_My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in_

_Doing lines of dust and sweat_

_Off last night's stage, just to feel like you_

_The milligrams in my head burning tobacco in my wind_

_Chasing the direction, chasing the direction you went_

_You're a bottled star; the planets align you just like mars_

_You shine in the sky, you shine in the sky_

He's most likely calling me fat and laughing at me right now, how was I so stupid that anyone would love me, im a stupid fat loser.

_Are all the good times getting gone?_

_They come and go and go and come and go_

_I've got a lot of friends who are stars_

_But some are just black holes_

_My mind is a safe and if I keep it then we all get rich_

_My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in_

_Doing lines of dust and sweat_

_Off last night's stage, just to feel like you_

I pulled up my shirt and started to carve and "F" in the puddle of fat that made me unloved.

_And it's kind of funny_

_The way we're wearing anchors on our shirts_

_When being anchored aboard just feels like a curse_

_My mind is a safe and if I keep it then we all get rich_

_My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in_

_Doing lines of dust and sweat off last night's stage_

_Just to feel like you_

_**(If home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked)**_

Why am I so stupid? Why can I be loved? Why am I living? All these questions raced through my mind and I pushed the blade deeper carving an "A".

I kept repeating my favorite line from that song '_If home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked' _it's true because I lived with Logan and now he does this to me.

I got fed up as I carved the last letter "T", and pulled down my shirt.

After a few minutes of repeating '_If home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked' _, I heard voices.

"Ya, I'll meet up with you later"

I prayed to god hoping it wasn't someone like Kendall,becase I can never face him like this.

There was a few minutes of silence, then the door opened.

"Katie?"

**Ok I know this is short, but I will update soon!**

**And don't worry this is all part of the plot! Also the letter is NOT real!**

**Ok who should be the one that opened the door?**

**Dirty**

**Pete**

**Patrick**

**Andy**

**Joe**

**And sorry if you don't know who they are, maybe could you just chose one?**

**PLEASE!**

**R&R!**

**Im asking for 5 reviews!**

**~MajorDP.**


	11. Get busy living or get busy dying

**Hey Guys! Sorry for the long wait! School started and its really stupid. Already screwed over by "friends" and the loser of the school! We enough with me, lets get to the story!**

**Disclaimer: Im a 15 year old girl who is a major loser, ya I soooo own Big Time Rush and Fall Out Boy (I hope your smart enough to realize its sarcasm).**

_**Recap:**_

_**There was a few minutes of silence, then the door opened.**_

"_**Katie?"**_

**Katie's POV**

Oh god it was Pete.

"Katie?" asked Pete.

As soon as he fully stepped into the Bathroom, he froze in shock.

"Katie, why?" Pete asked as he bent down to my level in the floor.

"I just couldn't take it anymore" is all I could respond with.

"Baby, I couldn't either, but then I got help." Pete replied as he pulled me up.

"I know, I was a suppose to, it's just I don't want help" I replied with my head down low in shame.

"How many times?" Pete questioned out of the blue.

"How many times, what?"I questioned back.

"You obviously wanted to commit suicide right then and there, so I'm asking how many times before" He responded.

"Well I have been cutting since I was in 7th grade, but that was my second suicide attempted" I replied as I began to cry.

Pete didn't verbally reply, all he did was hug me for a few minutes then he began to wrap my wrists.

Gods I was so pathetic, I couldn't even kill myself.

"Katie, since I'm not doing the Q&A with the fans, I think we should talk in my bus" Pete recommend as he finished his wrapping on my wrists.

"Ok" I replied with my head hung low in shame, as pop-star Pete Wentz pulled me out if the bathroom and into in tour bus.

As we walked into the trash filled tour bus, Pete made a path with his feet as he dragged me into the room with the biggest bed room.

"Katie, what made you start cutting?" Pete asked as he pulled me on the bed to sit next to him.

"My brothers and Logan." I stated as a response.

"How?" he question once more.

"Well I was tired of being put up to a higher level because of Big Time Rush." I respond as I layer down on my back.

"Ok then, what about Logan?" He questioned for the millionth time today.

"Well, it's been a few days after we began dating, and now he doesn't treat me like a girlfriend, and now that Joe kissed me on the cheek, I'm afraid I'm going to lose everything good" I responded.

"Honey, I know Joe likes you very much, but you need to know what's going on between you and that Logan kid." He told me as he began to hold me.

"Thanks Pete for the advice" I said as I laid in the spot I was in.

Before Pete responded he pulled me up and to the front of the bus.

"Go find Logan and talk to him, so him your scars and tell him why, then come back to the bus and we'll talk what he said over ok, sugar?" Pete voiced to me in a close range.

"You know what Pete, I will do that!" I slightly yelled with pride.

Pete smiled and hugged me on last time as he gave me a slight nudge out of the tour bus.

Walking out of the tour bus, I walked straight until I saw James and Carlos whispering to Logan.

I continued to walk towards them, but stopped a few feet ahead because the were giving me dirty looks.

"Kit-Kat, why?" James asked with a look of betrayal.

"Super Katie, why?" Carlos asked too.

**(A/N: stolen from the story 'I won't back down', you should check her story out when your done reading this chapter!)**

"What did I do?" I questioned back.

"That Joe dude and that Emo idiot Pete" James sneered (PETE WENTZ is NOT! and Emo idiot! it's part if the story ok!)

"Pete's NOT and "Emo idiot" James!" I yelled.

"Then why did you cheat on Logan with them both!" he whipped back.

"I did not cheat on LOGAN; I just came to talk to him!" I replied on the verge of a MAJOR breakdown.

"Sure, you're just like your brother" James replied as I stared in shock because of what he just said.

I was shocked at all of them.

"Ok I don't know what jumped up your guy's asses, but I don't care. I'm here to talk to Logan" I responded.

He just stood there for about a minute before Carlos spoke up.

"Logie, are you going to talk to her?" He asked in a simply sweet little kid voice.

"Ya sure, I probably should get some answers." he voiced as he stepped forward from is two "Bodyguards".

"Ok, um let's talk in Kendall's dressing room" I stated before I turned to walk.

As we kept walking, Logan kept staring at my wrists/torso area.

"Katie, again?" he asked ever so flatly.

"I'm not answering that." I responded as we walked in the door of Kendall's make shift dressing room and took a seat.

"Alright, let's talk" I said gently.

"Alright, What was that kiss on stage?" Logan questioned.

"Joe kissed me on the CHEEK as I went by" I stated as I rolled my eyes.

"Ok I believe you, now why did you and that Emo dude go into the tour bus alone" He asked as he leaned back.

"We—" I was cut off by Kendall storming in mad.

"What are YOU doing here?!" Kendall screamed.

"Katie and I were just Talking, man" Logan stated as he carefully inched backwards.

"Don't Man me, Pete just told me what happened with Katie and I don't want YOU any where near her, or I will call the COPS you dirty scum!" Kendall yelled with fury as Pete, who magically appeared behind Kendall threw Logan out of the tiny room.

As soon as Kendall slammed the door he enveloped me in a huge hug along with Pete.

"Baby sis, I'm sorry I wasn't there right way" Kendall whispered as I laid on his chest.

"Kendall it's ok." I stated as I tried to get up.

Kendall helped me up, but still looked at me with sympathy which almost ever Knight or in Kendall's case 'Schmidt' hates to death.

"Katie, we have to finish one more song and then well leave ok" Kendall said as he ran t the door.

"Ok, Ill be waiting" I replied in a fake voice.

Pete and Kendall both laughed as they walked out of the door, leaving me alone.

God I couldn't even talk to Logan, to get a straight answer out of him, god im such a loser!

I decided I should probably lay down before there done.

Fuck My Life.

**Ok so how do you like it? Any ideas? **

**Im asking for 5 reveiws!**

**And if you have a twitter follow me at HANSENGTO**

**Instagram: official_xochitl**

**~MajorDP**


	12. Chapter 12-IM SUCH A FAILURE!

**Sorry about updating late!**

Once I laid next to Pete's dog Hemmingway, I began to think about what had happen to me this past week.

I met my idols.

I began dating the love of my life.

My brothers "broke up".

My life turned for the worst.

And now im sitting in the back of Fall Out Boys tour bus looking like a nervous wreck.

I looked down at my wrists and looked over every scar I had, that ran up and down my pale wrists.

Thinking back about the reasons I cut brought me to tears as I remembered the first time I cut my self.

"_Katie, why are you so ugly...I mean how is it your brothers hot and your well you" The Blonde Jennifer whispered in my ear as the teacher was explaining that pi is equal to 3.14 and 22/7._

_I started tearing up about what the blonde Jennifer as a note hit me in the back of the head._

_As I UN crumpled the note I slowly and surely began to read the loosely written note._

_**Katie just go back to Minnesota where all the pigs live!**_

_**Your ugly and you don't fit in here.**_

_**Do us a favor and when you get back to pig-vile just kill yourself **_

_**Love,**_

_**The WHOLE Palm woods**_

_As more tears welled up in my eyes I let out a small chuckled/sob, because they put 'you don't fit in here', well no fucken shit Sherlock you all tease me, I know I don't fit in! **.**_

"_Ugly fat bitch**" **the blonde Jennifer whispered into my fragile ears._

_That broke me, right then and there._

_I just wanted to die so badly, I didn't care about any one else I just had to die… tonight I guess._

_As soon as the finial bell rang at Palm Woods School, I ran out the door faster that a cheetah on speed._

_As soon as I made it out of the classroom, I picked up speed and began running faster until I zipped past the lobby._

"_SLOW DOWN" Bitters yelled from behind the desk._

_I didn't care what that old man said._

_As soon as I ran to the elevator and pressed the up button, a strange happiness filled me,with the time I had in the elevator I started to think about how I could kill myself._

_Hang my self?_

_No, I don't think anything could hold my fat body._

_Inhale propane from the stove?_

_No, that might cause a explosion._

_Take pills?_

_That might just work, I think Carlos has some old 500mg Morphine pills from his last failed stunt attempt._

_Cut my wrists?_

_I think I could add that with taking pills, because its easy and I have a few sharp hunting knifes I could use._

_After what seemed like a few minutes the elevator door dinged, signaling that I could take a few steps closer to killing my self._

_As I felt the breeze on my face, I pulled the apartment key out of my back pocket and zoomed down to 2J._

_Once I met my destination I shoved the key into the slot of the door and pushed the door wide open._

_Luckliy,no one was home so I began my plan._

_I threw my book back next to the door as I raced up into my horrid pink room in search of a paper and pen._

_I spent about 10 minutes looking until I found an older notebook that was empty from back in Minnesota, and pulled out a notebook paper._

_I began to write _

_**The world is a stage and everyone is just acting**_

_**So this is the final act.**_

_**(I took this from another BTR story, but cannot recall who Please review is if it's from your story)**_

_That was good enough for me as I placed the note delicately on my pillow as I raced down stairs to grab the pills and hunting knife._

_Once I grabbed the pills, knife, and a bottle of water I ran back up to my room._

_As I sat down on my bed I carefully popped the pills and took a swig of water._

_Then the moment I was waiting for I took the knife out of its sheathe as I pressed against my pale wrist and pulled leaving a crimson line in place of my once clear wrist. _

_I repeated that about 10 times until my wrists were bleeding._

_After a few minutes I began very tired and laided down on my bed thinking the pills were working._

Turns out the pills were just fake sugar pills my mom used in place of the others so Carlos wouldn't overdose like I was going to.

Oh the memories of cutting, the happiness it temporarily brought me on a daily basis.

But now everyone know about my little 'problem', which makes me feel like a failure that I couldn't a little secret from my family without them finding out, or that I cant keep my boyfriend happy because I am so fucked up and un loveable.

Logan is most likely going to break up with me because I have problems.

God how did my life turn out like this!

I guess it all started when I moved to La with Kendall and the rest of the guys, because Mom wouldn't let me stay with Dad in Minnesota.

So mainly if Kendall didn't move and my mom let me stay none of this would have happened at all.

As I though about this more, slowly I began to hate Kendall the rest of the guys and my mother for making me move and turning me into the depressed unlovable monster I am today hating my own family.

Slowly as I stated to hate them more I drifted off more and more until I was in a full slumber with Pete's bulldog Hemmingway curled up next to my pelvis.

**Ok I know that was horrible and im so sorry for not updating sooner! Its just I never got 5 reviews and I kinda forgot…my bad….. But please please please tell me how I did and where I need to improve please!**

*please note the emotion in this story is from real experience.*

_-MajorDP_


	13. Merry Christmas I could Care less!

**Hey long time no update rite? Well sorry about that!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or Fall out Boy.**

_**Recap: I decided I should probably lay down before there done. **_

_**Fuck My Life.**_

Katie's

Why is my life fucked up?

That's the major question I always ask myself.

I couldn't take the pressure, from everything that has gone on, I couldn't take it

As I retreated back to the bathroom again for the millionth time today, my cellphone buzzed sowing I got a text message from my boyfriend Logan.

(to anyone who cares this is the same exact text messages my ex-boyfriend and me sent)

**From: Logie(=**

**Im sorry**

**To:Logie(=**

**Why? You haven't don't anything.**

**From:Logie(=**

**Im breaking up with you PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF.**

**To:Logie(=**

**Why are you?**

**From:Logie(= **

**Im sorry**

**And I didn't reply.**

What the hell, he won't give me a reason.

That was it, I was done.

I guess that was the straw that finally broke the camel's back.

Since I was in the bathroom, I did what came first as instinct I searched for something sharp.

As I searched everywhere and through every drawer, I remembered Pete saying something about shaving like an old man with detachable blades, so I looked through Pete's cabinet in the bathroom.

As I opened the black cabinet I looked through every shelf, passing all the medications and occasional cough drop, I finally stopped on the shiny glory placed carefully next to a folded note.

Jumping with joy I quickly grabbed the blade, while in the process of dropping the note into the sink.

Not wanting to get caught I picked the note up and was about to put in back into its original location when curiosity killed the cat.

In a rush of curiosity I pulled the carefully folded note open showing the neatly written words "Death note", which caused my breathing to hitch.

_Pete you motherfucker, well I guess it's the night of dec.24._

_Don't fool yourself, Patrick would never love you._

_Well you told yourself if Patrick hadn't shown interest in you by now you'd end it this time for good not like the last time, see the blades waiting. _

Pete's going to kill himself tonight, over Patrick.

Becoming more depressed over the whole concept that love is horrible to people I brought the blade up to my juggler vain and pressed down.

Just as I began to move the blade the bathroom door swung open, leaving Joe and Patrick standing there with eyes bulging out.

"Katie" Joe said in a careful voice.

I didn't respond, I simply put my head down with the note in my hands in shame.

"Katie, what's that? "Patrick questioned as he pointed to the open letter securely in my hands.

What I am I supposed to say? 'Hey Pete loves you'

I couldn't do that to Pete he was nice to Kendall and I.

Before I could spit out a proper response Joe had taken the note out of my hands and read it.

"_Don't fool yourself, Patrick would never love you."_

"Who's that from?" Patrick asked as he carefully took the blade out of my hands, which added to the feeling of me being a failure.

Joe looked up at Patrick with a look I could not tell if it was bad or good.

"Fix this, NOW!" Joe screamed.

"Joe, fix what?"

Joe the proceeded shove the note into Patrick's face, causing Patrick to read the note faster.

Once Patrick was done reading the note he began to cry/rant loudly.

"He thinks I don't care! I care so much! When he overdosed and didn't tell us I cried for hours on end hoping that he would be ok,ive always loved that freaking idiot,I just never thought he played for the other team!" Patrick screamed as he punched the small mirror with fury.

I didn't say anything.

"Thank you Katie." Patrick said softly

"What for?" I responded.

"everything" Patrick said as he eloped me in a huge.

"Katie, you helped me realize that my true love is waiting." Patrick said as he jumped up.

"MY TRUE LOVE IS WAITING!" Patrick screamed as he ran leaving.

"At least that's one of us." I mumbled softly, causing Joe to look at me with weird face.

"Katie, are you ok?" Joe asked as he grabbed my hand pulling me through the door ways which lead to his bedroom.

As I fell to the bed I mumbled back a reply.

"What?" he questioned.

"Look, Logan broke up with me, ok!" I replied becoming furious.

Joe didn't reply.

He sat down next to and put his hands on my face.

"Katie, you're a beautiful person and I don't want to see you try to kill yourself ever again you hear me." Joe said as he leaned in and kissed me gently.

I didn't think about what Joe was doing, I deserved to have some fun after all, right?

Things got heated fast; it started as a light kiss and moved to Joe unhooking my bra with one hand as he shoved his tongue down my throat.

I didn't care that I didn't like him like I did Logan; it was more of getting back at him.

Joe was surprisingly very good in bed, he was so gentle.

Joe and I kept going for about 30 minutes when we heard a bang outside the causing us to stop.

"Whoa" Was all I could spit.

Joe smirked, which made me laugh

"Was that your first time? "Joe asked

"Was it that obvious?" I questioned back.

"No, I was going to say you were really good." Joe said as he rolled on his side facing me.

Right as I was about to answer Joe my phone buzzed.

Not wanting to get caught by anyone I jumped up and scrambled to find my clothes.

I searched everywhere trying to locate my clothes.

Bra…. Check

Shirt…..check

Pants…check

Underwear…..nope.

I kept searching until I heard a lite chuckle.

"Looking for these?" Joe said with a grin holding my _Aeropostale _underwear with his index finger.

I didn't say anything I just smirked and grabbed them sliding the up my scarred hips.

Once I was dressed, I finally walked to my phone and read the message.

**From: The Motherfucker.(Logan)**

**Babe want to get some dinner?(;**

**To:The Mother Fucker (Logan)**

**No, you broke up with me.**

**From: The Mother Fucker (Logan)**

**What?! No I DIDN'T!**

**To: The Mother Fucker (Logan) **

**Don't play stupid I have the texts.**

**From: The Mother Fucker (Logan)**

**Katie I love you so much I would never do that to you! Your my love (:**

That killed me on the inside, because I still loved him but I couldn't take him back after that, so I did the next best thing.

**To: The Mother Fucker (Logan)**

_**Merry Christmas, I could care less**_**.**

**Ok sorry I suck but in getting back into the spirit of writing!**

**Merry Christmas EVE!**

**~MajorDp**


End file.
